Friendships that last a Lifetime

This is in response to a question about what makes a good friend. I had actually been pondering this recently, and what I've come up with is personal, but because I believe that much of the human experience is the same, I hope you'll read on.

There are about five friends that I've had in my lifetime that I would drop anything for. "Just five?" You might ask, yes, just five, because I believe that truly close friends are hard to find, and forever-friends are a miracle, and I've been blessed by God to have five of them.

One of these five friends I met in first grade. She and I shared childhood dreams. We swore we would grow up together, get married, and live on a communal ranch with our husbands and kids. We both wanted to be veterinarians, we took horse-back riding lessons together, went to church together, went swimming together, formed middle-school clubs together, and talked about boys together. When in 7th grade a bunch of girls ganged up on her, I took them ALL on, because she was my best friend and I would die for her. In high school, we drifted a little, we still called each other our 'best friend', but we weren't in the same crowd any more. She was in band and color guard, I was in sports. But, we celebrated graduation together, and any time she needed me, I would drop everything to be there, and vice versa. When she lost her virginity, I cried, because I knew we had grown up, and something that had been between us, was lost. We had shared that friendship that comes uniquely to the innocent.

Shortly after graduation, she crumbled. She started doing drugs, went to raves, moved in with a guy that she had met three weeks earlier. I felt guilty because I was at school and couldn't be there, but even if I had been there, she no longer wanted me there with her. My heart ached for my friend.

We tried to keep touch, but it never felt normal. It was always strained, paranoid, weird. We both interpretted each other the wrong way.

I move across country and hadn't talked to her in a long time, but I came into town to see family, and got in touch. We met up again, both nervous...like a first date. And it was amazing. She was off drugs, with a guy who wanted to marry her. And it was like we hadn't missed a beat. Because we knew each other's history so intimately, we could pick up where we left off and never feel awkward.

A few weeks ago I was blessed to see her married. I kissed her and told her she was the most beautiful bride I'd ever seen, and I meant every word. She was my best friend through childhood, and in my mind, she'll always hold that spot, because we shared that intimate time before we grew up.

The second miracle-friendship I formed was in high-school. Sara was tall like me, played basketball like me, and had one of those cheery personalities that made me think, 'I will MAKE that girl be my friend, 'cause I want to spend time with her.' It worked. So about half-way through my freshman year we were studying for a final together and turned it into a sleep-over. We had a random freshman-girl, giddy and ridiculous moment surrounding sweet-tarts, and our fate was sealed. We were best friends.

She and I shared all the high-school moments together. We shared the wins and losses in basketball, she sat with me while I cried over my boyfriends, I sat with her while she cried over her mom. We applied to college together, got into the same college together, and planned our lives together. She knew how hard it was for me to be at home sometimes, I knew how hard it was for her to leave home sometimes. We got drunk together.

We both ended up at the same college our freshman year. She was the one who supported me as I dealt with my long-distance boyfriend (now my husband). We took road trips together, went to his baseball games together, played intramurals together, and I ended up getting her the job that helped her pay for college. We shared that friendship that comes with figuring out who you are, apart from your family.

I transferred schools after my freshman year, to be with my now-husband. And for a long time, I only had eyes for him. That changed us, because I had changed my frame of mind. But, like my first friend, Sara and I always pick up where we left off. She, too, got married this last year, and seeing her walk down the aisle was one of the happiest moments of my life. She and I will always be close.

During college I didn't create any other close friendships. I was ready to be married and to move on. I wanted to start my professional life. It wasn't until I moved to Dallas and had the opportunity to spend time with my sister-in-law that I created my 3rd close friendship.

My sister-in-law and I had spent some time together before, but because we had lived across the country from each other, it was always limited. When my husband and I moved to Dallas, where my brother and sister-in-law lived, we started hanging out. It was amazing. I finally had this woman in my family that I could relate to, and she finally had someone in our family that she could understand. We had game-nights, and movie-nights, and random parties together that were always a blast because we were family. Her friendship helped me bridge the gap between me and my family, something I was never sure would really happen. She and I shared crazy-nights, deep conversations, and most importantly, we knew we would have fun together at family events.

Then, my husband and I moved to Oregon. This was a good move for us. I was suffocating in the who's-who that dominates the Dallas scene, and needed to get away. I loved my job in Oregon, but it took me a long time to settle in. After some time, I started realizing that the women I was working with were amazing. They had amazing relationships with their husbands, they were funny, engaging, light-hearted. They had these great perspectives on life, maybe because they had all lived more of it than I had. These women worked for me, and yet, they were my mentors. If I came in to work mad at my husband, they would tell me to call and apologize for whatever part had been my fault. If I was stressed, they would make me laugh. They invited me to dinner, to skiing, to kayaking trips. They went out of their way to make me feel at home. They became my family. These women, as a group, were my 4th forever friends. I miss them daily.

My 5th friend should have come first, but because of the way life works out sometimes, she ended up being my most recent. She is my sister. A beautiful, amazing, astounding woman, I once changed her diapers.

There were four years between us growing up. And, in case you haven't read my other hubs, I am a middle-child. I had a lot of resentment towards my family, & towards life in-general, before I moved out on my own. I remember my sister asking my parents why I was angry all the time. It must not have been easy for her, either.

In college things started getting easier. I always adored my sister, please don't misunderstand, but I always felt like I didn't fit in with my family, like somehow I was the weak-link in the chain, and it would be better if I removed myself in order to prevent the chain from breaking. After experiencing some of my other friendships, I started realizing my own strengths, which enabled me to engage with my family more, and, by default, my sister.

Over the last year, more so than ever, my sister has become one of my best friends. We don't necessarily talk that often, but when we're together, we just 'get' each other. We're blood, we experienced the same experiences, we have the same background. We're not the same person, in fact in many ways we're very different, but there's no one in this world that I respect and adore as much as I respect and adore her. More than any other friend, she is my #1...

So what makes a good friend? Someone who allows you to be yourself, allows you to figure out who you are, who will stick up for you, who expects you to be the best you can be, who will let you cry if you need to. A good friend will tell you when you're wrong, and will encourage you to challenge yourself. And, a good friend would never miss a wedding, would never miss a baby shower, would move heaven-and-earth to share the moments in your life that are most precious. A forever-friend is one that you would be distraught about if they did miss those moments. With the exception of my Oregon-friends (who I hadn't met yet), all of my other best friends were at my wedding, at my wedding-showers. They will be the first ones I tell when I get pregnant. They would be the first ones I would lean on if tradgedy struck. I know they will be there for me, and I will always be there for them.